There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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