Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
