I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
