nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
