Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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