i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
