He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
