Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
