I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
