i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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