My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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