at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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