My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
