There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Congratulations! We have a period
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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