If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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