i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
