Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
