ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
