Moan for me like Helen Keller
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
