At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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