He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
