if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
