what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
