No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
