Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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