Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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