For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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