so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
