There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize