I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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