omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize