If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
