Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
