I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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