Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
