there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
