When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
