Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I am mentally ready for anal.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So apparently I’m into choking now
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
