Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
