You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
