Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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