my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
