I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.