i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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