The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
