when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Hippo gnu deer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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