I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
