Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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