I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
