READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
