I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize