I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
