I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
