i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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