eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
