it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
