sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
