Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
