smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
