im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
