I wish my penis had an off switch
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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