In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
