if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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