your thong is hanging out like whoa
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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