I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i dont even know how to be here
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
