The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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